Stop Worrying About Your Kids? Never!

When do you stop worrying about your kids? The short answer? You never do! I hate to be the bearer of bad news for those of you stressed out with young kids or teenagers but it doesn’t get better. And maybe you’re not (legally) responsible for them after they reach adulthood but that doesn’t lessen the load. The issues that you worry about are different. But you still worry.

Young Kids to Teenagers

Parenting young kids has its unique stresses, as does the teenage phase. You worry whether they are sleeping enough, eating enough or healthy enough, getting enough exercise…..lots of enoughs. Then there’s peer pressure when they get old enough to care what others think of them, and you start to worry about whom they hang out with. Not to mention what they are up to when you’re not around to supervise them. Your worries evolve but you never stop worrying about your kids.

Dating Phase

Somewhere between worrying about your little kids and your teenagers’ behaviour and choices, dating comes in to play. It seems to happen earlier and is much more complicated these days but we won’t go into that. Suffice it to say I’m glad my sons grew up when they did. 

It’s really tough (but important, unless they ask) as a parent to keep your opinions, especially the negative ones, to yourself. My judgement was (and still is) that I want them to be with someone that respects them, their family, their choices, etc.

Financial Knowledge

With the invention of etransfers and other online banking advantages, writing cheques are a thing of the past but balancing accounts is not and never will be. Learning simple accounting (the earlier the better) is a must to be financially stable as an adult. Some kids are spenders, some are thriftier and better savers. Both, and all the ones in between, need to learn the basic rule though that what comes in (to their accounts) should be greater than what goes out. As parents, we sometimes have to continue the lecture well into their adult years, until it becomes ingrained into their lives and financial stability (and a good credit rating) is achieved and maintained. If it ever gets there. If not, or until then, we never stop worrying about our kids.  

Education

Towards the end of their teenage phase, you worry (more) about their education or their lack of interest in one. Are they learning the right stuff? Are they prepared to go out into the big, bad world on their own? What should they take at college or university? Or, do they have to go to either to succeed in life?

It’s tough to decide at seventeen or eighteen (or earlier) what you want to be “when you grow up.” Of three sons, one of mine knew what he wanted to do in grade nine, one had no clue whatsoever, and one couldn’t make up his mind about which university courses to take. On the latter note, it would be interesting to know how many young adults change majors or academic directions during their first few years in post-secondary school. Also, how many flunk out or quit voluntarily because the path taken was not their choice but one their parents decided for them? Personally, I would love to see the first year (or even two) of post-secondary school be non-designated. Students should be able to take courses within multiple disciplines to see what they like, are good at, and even what they do not like or are not good at. On their own, without parents deciding for them. I’m digressing, again.

Permanent Partners

When choosing their permanent partners, we still worry about our kids. Once again, we want them to be loved for who they are, what they bring to the relationship, respected for their choices, and so on. As parents, we can only teach our children to seek those qualities out in a partner and offer the same in return. And hope they listen. It is tough though, as blending beliefs, financial stability (or lack there of), cultures, parenting backgrounds etc can be difficult, especially when one is not willing to compromise or listen to the other. Communication is the key to successful relationships, short and longterm.

Actually, I believe this is the greatest and most stressful worry as this phase of their life has the most repercussions if things go sour. (Which seems to happen lots these days) It’s one thing (and stressful, for sure) when relationships break up in high school but it’s (potentially) much worse when finances, property, and especially (your grand) children are involved in later years.

When (if) the Grandchildren Arrive

When your grown kids have kids of their own you have yet another type of worry. After you celebrate being a grandparent, of course. There is nothing quite like the grandparent role. Although, I doubt you ever stop worrying about them either!

The best thing about being a grandparent is that you get (sort of) a do-over. All the things you wanted to do with your own children but didn’t have time or patience for, somehow get done this time around.

The bottom line? You never stop worrying about your kids, from the moment they are born to the moment you leave this earth.

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