stillbirths Archives

Daily writing prompt

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

I wrote this story years after my three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three healthy pregnancies (AKA as G9P3A3) with humor, candor, wisdom, and hindsight, all things I did not have much of at the time. Hopefully, my story will provide inspiration and comfort to others that have or are going through the frustration and heartbreak of losing a child during pregnancy.

A Large Family

I grew up in a large family, the youngest girl and second youngest of six children, with two sisters and three brothers. Despite that, or perhaps because of that, I have always wanted to have a large family myself. My husband, on the other hand, grew up with just one sister, so he was more skeptical of the prospect of a large family. Of course a large family today is probably only equivalent to half the size of a large family back then.

Having Children Before the Age of Thirty

My ultimate goal was to have my children before the age of thirty, so I could be a young mother and grandmother. After three and a half years of marriage, I stopped using birth control so we could start a family. It didn’t take long for me to get pregnant, but it took determination and perseverance throughout nine pregnancies within the next ten years to create our family.

My boys have grown up into fine young men. I hope I have instilled in them the importance of working hard at all their endeavors in life including their educations, careers, and personal relationships. I hope they make the most of their physical, mental, and athletic abilities, never taking them for granted.

Their grandparents would be so proud of our boys. Our youngest son never met either of his grandmothers, and the other two boys were quite young when they lost their Grandma and Nanna. I am sure my mother is chuckling over the fact that her tomboy is now the mother of three boys. My father has since passed away as well; the boys all remember him, but we all wish he was still part of our lives.

Conclusions on Stillbirths, Miscarriages, and Pregnancies

I wrote this book for many reasons; the most important one being that it was very therapeutic for me to jot down details of each pregnancy, successful or not, to keep them all sorted in my mind. Reading them now, filled into full sentences, is the most therapeutic of all. Of course, it is easier to move on when things have ended on a positive note, and my family is complete.

If you have suffered through miscarriages or stillbirths, I am sure you can feel the pain I went through in the pages of this book. Even if you haven’t, but have instead sailed through your pregnancies with no problems, I hope you can still read the heartache in my words, and realize how fortunate you are. Each and every pregnancy is a miracle from conception to delivery; it is simply amazing that problems are not encountered more frequently.

It has not escaped me that the number three appears to be my lucky (sometimes unlucky) number. Three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three successful pregnancies. Then three healthy sons, and now….three granddaughters and three grandsons!!!

Advice From an Expert on Stillbirths and Miscarriages

Talk about your fears, disappointments, and struggles to anyone who will listen. This can be a professional counselor or a friend or a family member. On the flip side, listen to anyone that is trying to lean on you for support throughout their struggles. I remember a co-worker thanking me for “breaking the ice” as she called it, upon my return to work after a stillbirth. My co-workers were all very concerned and caring, but no one knew what to say or how to act, so when I started the conversation, they were very grateful. It is always better to acknowledge someone’s pain rather than ignore or avoid it.

Do not wait too long to start your family. As my story shows you, things do not always go as planned. If you are in a healthy, financially stable relationship, and both of you want to have children, don’t procrastinate. That’s why humans have a nine-month gestation; it gives you time to get used to the idea of a baby in the family.

Work hard for what you believe in and want out of life. Do not let others tell you that you cannot do something that you believe you can. Do not believe that you cannot do something until you have tried your best to do it. Do not take anything you have for granted, especially your health, but also your intelligence, athletic abilities, and anything else that makes you different from others.

Last, but not least, when you are feeling down, take a moment to realize that there is always someone worse off than you in any given situation. Think of the good and positive things in your life, (I do not mean materialistic things), and be sure to surround yourself with positive people that really care about you. Delete the negative things and people from your life. Make a written list of these things, referring to it often and adding to the list as you work through your struggles.

Writing a Book

I started writing this book many years ago the first time I was pregnant. Sort of. My doctor urged me to record my thoughts in a journal when the first pregnancy ended in stillbirth. Years, many pregnancies, and much more gray hair later, I came across the journal while cleaning one day and decided to transfer the thoughts to my computer.

The easiest way to write a book is to self-publish. That way you don’t have a room full of books you have to pay for and sell. I used Lulu:

Publish, print, and sell your books globally with our Print-On-Demand network while eliminating the risk and hassle of inventory and fulfillment.
Lulu

You can choose to pay for upgraded details (covers, editing help etc) but the basic, free version is what I used. They create and promote the book and only print what is purchased online as they are purchased. You decide the price you want to charge and then receive a royalty for each book sold. They keep the rest for the cost of creating, promoting, shipping etc. If you are thinking of writing a book, but are concerned about sinking money you may not retrieve into the project give this method a try!

Buy my book from Lulu here. It will soon be available on Amazon Audible as well.

I vote yes, leashes for cats should be mandatory. Why are dogs not permitted to roam at will through neighbourhoods but cats are?

Last night we came home from a stressful day at the cottage spent cleaning up our property from the storm damage. We also spied a black cat prowling around at the side of our house. It took off when my husband chased it away. Why did he chase it away? Because last year he watched the same black cat kill a baby bunny in our (private) backyard. This morning, we discovered a dead chipmunk on our back deck. Coincidence? I think not! We’ve seen a few baby bunnies in our yard recently, so we’re hoping the cat did not get them too.

As you can probably tell, it annoys me to no end when I see cats in my yard. I believe it is irresponsible of cat owners to let their cats roam indiscriminately. Our backyard is an oasis for birds, rabbits, chipmunks and the like, so cats are not welcome. Our backyard, our choice, right?

I have a good reason for this opinion, besides the fact that cats prey on small animals just to torment and kill them for their amusement. I am not amused.

Cats and Toxoplasmosis

Years ago I suffered three stillbirths. We were told the most likely cause was toxoplasmosis contracted from cat feces. Well, we have never owned a cat. But, several cats used our front garden as a litter box back then as it was hot and dry, sandy soil. When we first moved into our home, this south-facing garden was newly planted, so cats could access the soil easily. We’ve since covered that area with a veranda and moved the garden out from the overhang of the house so it gets more moisture.

Toxoplasmosis is a disease caused by the single-celled parasite Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii). It is one of the most common parasitic diseases and infects nearly all warm-blooded animals, including pets and humans. Although cats are a necessary part of the life cycle of T. gondii, the parasite rarely causes clinical disease in them. While T. gondii seldomly causes significant symptoms in healthy adults either (see below for exceptions), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has recently identified toxoplasmosis as one of five neglected parasitic infections of people due to its high prevalence.
Cornell Feline Health Center

Toxoplasmosis is a common infection that is usually harmless. But if you get toxoplasmosis for the first time while you’re pregnant, or a few months before you conceive, there’s a small risk the infection could cause:

miscarriage

stillbirth

birth defects or problems after the baby is born – this is very rare
NHS

Outdoor Cats

I belong to a neighbourhood Facebook group where posts often discuss missing or found cats. There also seems to be a large presence of “lost cat” signs pasted on any flat surface on our streets. Am I the only one that finds it hard to believe people let their cats wander around the neighbourhood, especially with the steady increase of coyote and fisher sightings in our neighbourhood? Perhaps if cat owners didn’t let their cats roam, these wild animals would stick to the wooded areas. Instead, they are enticed by a buffet-like selection of victims.

Leashes for Cats

Are leashes the answer? They certainly would be a start. If you want your cat to walk through the neighbourhood, take it for a walk on a leash. Just like the dog owners do.

And, while you’re at it, take along a bag to scoop up their poop.

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