Stillbirths, Miscarriages, and Healthy Pregnancies: G9P3A3

March 5, 2024March 5, 2024 ~ Loreeebee ~ Leave a comment

Daily writing prompt

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

I wrote this story years after my three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three healthy pregnancies (AKA as G9P3A3) with humor, candor, wisdom, and hindsight, all things I did not have much of at the time. Hopefully, my story will provide inspiration and comfort to others that have or are going through the frustration and heartbreak of losing a child during pregnancy.

A Large Family

I grew up in a large family, the youngest girl and second youngest of six children, with two sisters and three brothers. Despite that, or perhaps because of that, I have always wanted to have a large family myself. My husband, on the other hand, grew up with just one sister, so he was more skeptical of the prospect of a large family. Of course a large family today is probably only equivalent to half the size of a large family back then.

Having Children Before the Age of Thirty

My ultimate goal was to have my children before the age of thirty, so I could be a young mother and grandmother. After three and a half years of marriage, I stopped using birth control so we could start a family. It didn’t take long for me to get pregnant, but it took determination and perseverance throughout nine pregnancies within the next ten years to create our family.

My boys have grown up into fine young men. I hope I have instilled in them the importance of working hard at all their endeavors in life including their educations, careers, and personal relationships. I hope they make the most of their physical, mental, and athletic abilities, never taking them for granted.

Their grandparents would be so proud of our boys. Our youngest son never met either of his grandmothers, and the other two boys were quite young when they lost their Grandma and Nanna. I am sure my mother is chuckling over the fact that her tomboy is now the mother of three boys. My father has since passed away as well; the boys all remember him, but we all wish he was still part of our lives.

Conclusions on Stillbirths, Miscarriages, and Pregnancies

I wrote this book for many reasons; the most important one being that it was very therapeutic for me to jot down details of each pregnancy, successful or not, to keep them all sorted in my mind. Reading them now, filled into full sentences, is the most therapeutic of all. Of course, it is easier to move on when things have ended on a positive note, and my family is complete.

If you have suffered through miscarriages or stillbirths, I am sure you can feel the pain I went through in the pages of this book. Even if you haven’t, but have instead sailed through your pregnancies with no problems, I hope you can still read the heartache in my words, and realize how fortunate you are. Each and every pregnancy is a miracle from conception to delivery; it is simply amazing that problems are not encountered more frequently.

It has not escaped me that the number three appears to be my lucky (sometimes unlucky) number. Three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three successful pregnancies. Then three healthy sons, and now….three granddaughters and three grandsons!!!

Advice From an Expert on Stillbirths and Miscarriages

Talk about your fears, disappointments, and struggles to anyone who will listen. This can be a professional counselor or a friend or a family member. On the flip side, listen to anyone that is trying to lean on you for support throughout their struggles. I remember a co-worker thanking me for “breaking the ice” as she called it, upon my return to work after a stillbirth. My co-workers were all very concerned and caring, but no one knew what to say or how to act, so when I started the conversation, they were very grateful. It is always better to acknowledge someone’s pain rather than ignore or avoid it.

Do not wait too long to start your family. As my story shows you, things do not always go as planned. If you are in a healthy, financially stable relationship, and both of you want to have children, don’t procrastinate. That’s why humans have a nine-month gestation; it gives you time to get used to the idea of a baby in the family.

Work hard for what you believe in and want out of life. Do not let others tell you that you cannot do something that you believe you can. Do not believe that you cannot do something until you have tried your best to do it. Do not take anything you have for granted, especially your health, but also your intelligence, athletic abilities, and anything else that makes you different from others.

Last, but not least, when you are feeling down, take a moment to realize that there is always someone worse off than you in any given situation. Think of the good and positive things in your life, (I do not mean materialistic things), and be sure to surround yourself with positive people that really care about you. Delete the negative things and people from your life. Make a written list of these things, referring to it often and adding to the list as you work through your struggles.

Writing a Book

I started writing this book many years ago the first time I was pregnant. Sort of. My doctor urged me to record my thoughts in a journal when the first pregnancy ended in stillbirth. Years, many pregnancies, and much more gray hair later, I came across the journal while cleaning one day and decided to transfer the thoughts to my computer.

The easiest way to write a book is to self-publish. That way you don’t have a room full of books you have to pay for and sell. I used Lulu:

Publish, print, and sell your books globally with our Print-On-Demand network while eliminating the risk and hassle of inventory and fulfillment.
Lulu

You can choose to pay for upgraded details (covers, editing help etc) but the basic, free version is what I used. They create and promote the book and only print what is purchased online as they are purchased. You decide the price you want to charge and then receive a royalty for each book sold. They keep the rest for the cost of creating, promoting, shipping etc. If you are thinking of writing a book, but are concerned about sinking money you may not retrieve into the project give this method a try!

Buy my book from Lulu here. It will soon be available on Amazon Audible as well.

Dealing With Stress, What’s Your Best Method?

February 4, 2024February 11, 2024 ~ Loreeebee ~ Leave a comment

What’s your tried and true method for dealing with stress? Experts have their opinions and advice of course but many of them are not that easy to follow.

With the costs of just about everything soaring, most of us have financial stress of some sort these days. If not our own financial woes, then that of our children, or grandchildren, which in turn causes stress for us. Stress can be a vicious circle but for optimal health, it should be managed.

Exercise Reduces Stress

One of the things that experts advise those dealing with stress is exercise. This one I can get behind as I do find there is nothing like a good long, fast-paced walk, especially when the sun is shining, to rewire my brain. The good news here is that you don’t have to belong to a fancy gym to get the required exercise. This is especially significant in light of the fact that financial issues are at the top of most peoples’ stressful list these days.

Achieving Financial Responsibility

Easier said than done, I know, but sometimes a simple spreadsheet works wonders for sorting out what is coming in and what is going out each month. Obviously, if you are spending more than you are making, you have a problem. Especially if this is going on every month with no “end of the tunnel” in sight. It’s called living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget, or, more simply, living beyond your means. This practice is non-sustainable, irresponsible, and very unhealthy.

I know I’m a bit of an Excel junkie but a piece of paper with two columns works just fine. Start by deciding which are necessary expenditures (like mortgage, taxes, utility bills, car payments, insurance.) Then the “nice to have” expenditures such sports programs, gym memberships, fast food and entertainment costs. Depending on how much bigger your expenditures are than your income, you then must decide which costs you can live without. Just performing this simple exercise is a way of dealing with stress.

The trick is sticking with your decisions! It’s not advised to cut out all the fun/frivolous stuff in your life but cut back on them. For example, instead of spending $100 per week (I’m just using hypothetical numbers here) on fast food (coffee, lunches, etc.), budget for $100 per month. You just shaved off $300 per month!

Cleaning Works for Me When Dealing With Stress

For some reason, I start cleaning like crazy when I ‘m stressed. Things that don’t get done every day, like the inside of the refrigerator, closets, etc. The sense of satisfaction when I’m done helps calm me down. Why I don’t know but it does.

Music and Dancing Are Both Great Stress Busters

Often I see people walking with earplugs in and assume they are listening to music as they walk. That’s a great idea, my hubby does that when I’m not walking with him, he says it makes the walk go by faster.

I like to turn up the volume on my Amazon music (free with Prime membership) playlist when I clean.

Laugh More

I know you might think there’s not much to laugh about in your life when you are stressed out but find a way. Whether it’s hanging out with your grandchildren (mine always make me laugh) or watching a funny movie, laughter helps when dealing with stress. That’s because a good laugh boosts the immune system which in turn battles stress hormones.

Gardening or Getting Out in Nature Work Great Too

I love gardening, so it is a form of stress relief for me. Some people may find it stressful though, and that’s ok. Getting out in nature is a great alternative if gardening stresses you out.

Conclusion

I hope you’ve noticed that these suggestions for dealing with stress are all easy and inexpensive (free) to do. Find your own favourite method and get moving, your health depends on it.

Feature Photo: pexels-photo-626165.jpeg

Stop Worrying About Your Kids? Never!

January 23, 2024January 23, 2024 ~ Loreeebee ~ 2 Comments

When do you stop worrying about your kids? The short answer? You never do! I hate to be the bearer of bad news for those of you stressed out with young kids or teenagers but it doesn’t get better. And maybe you’re not (legally) responsible for them after they reach adulthood but that doesn’t lessen the load. The issues that you worry about are different. But you still worry.

Young Kids to Teenagers

Parenting young kids has its unique stresses, as does the teenage phase. You worry whether they are sleeping enough, eating enough or healthy enough, getting enough exercise…..lots of enoughs. Then there’s peer pressure when they get old enough to care what others think of them, and you start to worry about whom they hang out with. Not to mention what they are up to when you’re not around to supervise them. Your worries evolve but you never stop worrying about your kids.

Dating Phase

Somewhere between worrying about your little kids and your teenagers’ behaviour and choices, dating comes in to play. It seems to happen earlier and is much more complicated these days but we won’t go into that. Suffice it to say I’m glad my sons grew up when they did.

It’s really tough (but important, unless they ask) as a parent to keep your opinions, especially the negative ones, to yourself. My judgement was (and still is) that I want them to be with someone that respects them, their family, their choices, etc.

Financial Knowledge

With the invention of etransfers and other online banking advantages, writing cheques are a thing of the past but balancing accounts is not and never will be. Learning simple accounting (the earlier the better) is a must to be financially stable as an adult. Some kids are spenders, some are thriftier and better savers. Both, and all the ones in between, need to learn the basic rule though that what comes in (to their accounts) should be greater than what goes out. As parents, we sometimes have to continue the lecture well into their adult years, until it becomes ingrained into their lives and financial stability (and a good credit rating) is achieved and maintained. If it ever gets there. If not, or until then, we never stop worrying about our kids.

Education

Towards the end of their teenage phase, you worry (more) about their education or their lack of interest in one. Are they learning the right stuff? Are they prepared to go out into the big, bad world on their own? What should they take at college or university? Or, do they have to go to either to succeed in life?

It’s tough to decide at seventeen or eighteen (or earlier) what you want to be “when you grow up.” Of three sons, one of mine knew what he wanted to do in grade nine, one had no clue whatsoever, and one couldn’t make up his mind about which university courses to take. On the latter note, it would be interesting to know how many young adults change majors or academic directions during their first few years in post-secondary school. Also, how many flunk out or quit voluntarily because the path taken was not their choice but one their parents decided for them? Personally, I would love to see the first year (or even two) of post-secondary school be non-designated. Students should be able to take courses within multiple disciplines to see what they like, are good at, and even what they do not like or are not good at. On their own, without parents deciding for them. I’m digressing, again.

Permanent Partners

When choosing their permanent partners, we still worry about our kids. Once again, we want them to be loved for who they are, what they bring to the relationship, respected for their choices, and so on. As parents, we can only teach our children to seek those qualities out in a partner and offer the same in return. And hope they listen. It is tough though, as blending beliefs, financial stability (or lack there of), cultures, parenting backgrounds etc can be difficult, especially when one is not willing to compromise or listen to the other. Communication is the key to successful relationships, short and longterm.

Actually, I believe this is the greatest and most stressful worry as this phase of their life has the most repercussions if things go sour. (Which seems to happen lots these days) It’s one thing (and stressful, for sure) when relationships break up in high school but it’s (potentially) much worse when finances, property, and especially (your grand) children are involved in later years.

When (if) the Grandchildren Arrive

When your grown kids have kids of their own you have yet another type of worry. After you celebrate being a grandparent, of course. There is nothing quite like the grandparent role. Although, I doubt you ever stop worrying about them either!

The best thing about being a grandparent is that you get (sort of) a do-over. All the things you wanted to do with your own children but didn’t have time or patience for, somehow get done this time around.

The bottom line? You never stop worrying about your kids, from the moment they are born to the moment you leave this earth.

photo credit: pexels-photo-897817.jpeg