I can write this story about my three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three healthy pregnancies ( AKA as G9P3A3) now with humor, candor, wisdom, and hindsight, all things I did not have much of at the time. Hopefully, my story will provide inspiration and comfort to others that have or are going through the frustration and heartbreak of losing a child during pregnancy.
A Large Family
I grew up in a large family, the youngest girl and second youngest of six children, with two sisters and three brothers. Despite that, or perhaps because of that, I have always wanted to have a large family myself. My husband, on the other hand, grew up with just one sister, so he was more skeptical of the prospect of a large family. Of course a large family today is probably only equivalent to half the size of a large family back then.
Having Children Before the Age of Thirty
My ultimate goal was to have my children before the age of thirty, so I could be a young mother and grandmother. After three and a half years of marriage, I stopped using birth control so we could start a family. It didn’t take long for me to get pregnant, but it took determination and perseverance throughout nine pregnancies within the next ten years to create our family.
My boys have grown up into fine young men. I hope I have instilled in them the importance of working hard at all their endeavors in life including their educations, careers, and personal relationships. I hope they make the most of their physical, mental, and athletic abilities, never taking them for granted.
Their grandparents would be so proud of our boys. Our youngest son never met either of his grandmothers, and the other two boys were quite young when they lost their Grandma and Nanna. I am sure my mother is chuckling over the fact that her tomboy is now the mother of three boys. My father has since passed away as well; the boys all remember him, but we all wish he was still part of our lives.
Conclusions on Stillbirths, Miscarriages, and Pregnancies
I wrote this book for many reasons; the most important one being that it was very therapeutic for me to jot down details of each pregnancy, successful or not, to keep them all sorted in my mind. Reading them now, filled into full sentences, is the most therapeutic of all. Of course, it is easier to move on when things have ended on a positive note, and my family is complete.
If you have suffered through miscarriages or stillbirths, I am sure you can feel the pain I went through in the pages of this book. Even if you haven’t, but have instead sailed through your pregnancies with no problems, I hope you can still read the heartache in my words, and realize how fortunate you are. Each and every pregnancy is a miracle from conception to delivery; it is simply amazing that problems are not encountered more frequently.
It has not escaped me that three appears to be my lucky (sometimes unlucky) number. Three stillbirths, three miscarriages, and three successful pregnancies. Then three healthy sons, and now….three granddaughters and three grandsons!!!
Advice From an Expert on Stillbirths and Miscarriages
Talk about your fears, disappointments, and struggles to anyone who will listen. This can be a professional counselor or a friend or a family member. On the flip side, listen to anyone that is trying to lean on you for support throughout their struggles. I remember a co-worker thanking me for “breaking the ice” as she called it, upon my return to work after a stillbirth. My co-workers were all very concerned and caring, but no one knew what to say or how to act, so when I started the conversation, they were very grateful. It is always better to acknowledge someone’s pain rather than ignore or avoid it.
Do not wait too long to start your family. As my story shows you, things do not always go as planned. If you are in a healthy, financially stable relationship, and both of you want to have children, don’t procrastinate. That’s why humans have a nine-month gestation; it gives you time to get used to the idea of a baby in the family.
Work hard for what you believe in and want out of life. Do not let others tell you that you cannot do something that you believe you can. Do not believe that you cannot do something until you have tried your best to do it. Do not take anything you have for granted, especially your health, but also your intelligence, athletic abilities, and anything else that makes you different from others.
Last, but not least, when you are feeling down, take a moment to realize that there is always someone worse off than you in any given situation. Think of the good and positive things in your life, (I do not mean materialistic things), and be sure to surround yourself with positive people that really care about you. Delete the negative things and people from your life. Make a written list of these things, referring to it often and adding to the list as you work through your struggles.