Losing Your Mother Changes Your Life

losing your mother

Losing your mother changes your life in many ways. I lost my own mother twenty-five years ago today. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, wishing she was still here. She barely got to know two of my sons and never did meet the third. With my sons all grown up and four sweet grandchildren of my own now I wish she could share the joy they all bring to our lives.

My mom died just after reaching her 65th birthday; I was 34. Suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer, she died within 3 months. Consequently, she literally wasted away before our eyes. We never had time to get used to the idea of life without her. She didn’t even have enough time to rally from the shock of the diagnosis to begin to fight for her life. Losing your mother leaves you shell-shocked for a long time afterward.

My father had just retired and she planned to do the same. She so deserved that. She worked from the tender age of fourteen with only a brief hiatus to bear six children in eight years. Not that raising six kids in eight years was a hiatus, but she went back to work outside of the home shortly after. Years of work and raising children were finally in the rearview mirror. She looked forward to a more carefree life.

With six children and 13 grandchildren (at the time) spread out over Canada and USA, my mother looked forward to visiting with them all often. She was the travel planner and organizer; my dad was more of the stay-at-home type. In fact, after her death, my father rarely traveled more than a few kilometers from his home. He was heartbroken, literally.

My mother’s untimely death changed my life in many ways. Concerned that my own life expectancy may only be 65, I reduced my work hours and the accompanying stress level by changing departments. The goal was to concentrate on the important things in life. To me, these included spending more quality time with my three young sons (I had a third not long after she died) and my husband. Volunteering at the boys’ schools, on field trips, and for their sports teams became my focus. I do not want to feel that I should have spent more time with them when I am older.

When my boys were grown up and independent twelve years later, I once again began searching for more out of life. I made another drastic change and retired (very early) completely from hospital work to start my own gardening business.

Losing your mother makes you introspective, comparing your mothering style to hers. Not just your mothering style really, but all your mistakes and regrets. Your hopes, dreams, and triumphs too. It’s like a wake-up call to improve the quality of your own life. During her last three months, my mother and I spent many hours discussing such things.

As my grandchildren grow up, I try to spend as much time with them as I can as well. I hope to be around to witness their milestones, something my mom missed out on.

losing your mother
my favourite picture of my mom

1958 was a great year for producing men

Last weekend my husband celebrated his 60th birthday with 5 of his BFFs, 4 of whom were also born within the last half of 1958.  The sixth is one year younger. Although these guys get together for weekends a few times a year, their better halves were included in this celebration. Three couples live in Ottawa (including us), two live in Toronto and the fifth birthday boy resides in Belleville.

These guys have known each other since primary school, growing up in Kingston, Ontario.  Most of them attended post secondary school in Kingston as well. Only two of these six men have biological brothers so they are very much like brothers to each other. That makes them real, actual BFFs although they affectionately call each other “Bud.”  One could say BFFs are the new Buds, or more aptly Buds are the old BFFs.

1958
their hats say “bud 60”

These BFFs have been together through good times and bad, including six weddings, the birth of fourteen babies, one divorce, the deaths of many of their parents, and very tragically, one death of a beloved spouse. Our fourteen collective children range in age from 21 to 35 but we are the only couple with grandchildren to boast about.  So far.  I’m sure they all left here looking forward to welcoming their own grandchildren after meeting one of ours and seeing lots of pictures of the other two.

Although we celebrated my husband’s 60th birthday with our immediate family in August, he did not want a big splash.  This weekend party (it did last pretty much all weekend) here in Ottawa was the perfect way to celebrate their friendship and their milestone birthdays. Together, like brothers, buds or BFFs.  Now that most of them are retired, we hope to get together more often.

I wasn’t around yet in 1958, but can vouch for the fact that it produced some pretty awesome men.  One of them I am married to, the other four are his buds.

 

 

 

There’s a Pill for That

autoimmune disease

Today’s society seems to rely on a pill or medication for everything, with many doctors quick to write a prescription to get their patients out the door.  Everything from acne, anxiety, mood swings, constipation, mental decline, and insomnia to Attention Deficit (ADD), high cholesterol, high blood pressure, obesity, asthma, and more are treated with medication instead of researching why the problem exists in the first place.

Fixing the symptoms instead of fixing the underlying issue is what I call a “band-aid fix.”

autoimmune disease
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Why Pop a Pill?

Reasons like an unhealthy lifestyle, poor diet, lack of exercise, increased sugar and GMO consumption, reliance on man-made drugs, as well as sensitivities to foods and environmental toxins are often overlooked because they take too much time to pinpoint and change.  It is faster and more convenient to pop another pill.

Today we are finding out just how dangerous these prescription drugs can be.   Throughout the years it has been common for high school and college/university students to experiment with alcohol and drugs.  The relaxed to euphoric feelings and reduction of negative emotions associated with their use are enticing.  

Dangerous Side Effects of Pills

What the users often do not realize is that both alcohol and drugs depress the nervous and respiratory systems so too much of either can diminish that euphoric feeling or buzz pretty quickly.

The problem today lies within the type of drugs being used as well as the combination of drugs and alcohol.  Painkillers such as Fentanyl and Percocet are a prevalent choice because they are readily prescribed, easy to get (often from household medicine cabinets), and result in a quick buzz.

Fentanyl, Percocet and Xanax

  • Fentanyl is an opiate, prescribed for moderate to severe pain (often for cancer patients) but is fifty to one hundred times more powerful than morphine, and up to forty times more powerful than heroin.
  • Percocet is prescribed for mild to moderate pain, but in addition to the opiate oxycodone, Percocet contains acetaminophen (aka tylenol) which is toxic to the liver.  Alcohol use alone causes liver stress and damage; adding Percocet to the mix can cause complete liver failure, coma, and death.

If the availability of stronger drugs isn’t enough of a problem, counterfeit drugs such as fentanyl-laced Xanax are popping up in communities everywhere adding unknown lethal chemical compounds in unknown doses to the mixture.  These synthetic versions, often produced in China, shipped to Mexico then smuggled into the USA and Canada, are readily available in large amounts on our streets. They are causing a rampant amount of overdoses causing liver and respiratory failure and often leading to death.

Speaking Out, Locally

Here in Kanata, (a suburb of Ottawa) a local dad is bravely speaking out about his own struggles with his daughter’s addiction.  Going a step further, he is organizing meetings for parents to talk about and find ways to deal with this growing nightmare.

A local teen is speaking up too on the attraction and dangers of counterfeit drugs.

Bell Let’s Talk About Mental Health

On a national level,  perhaps some of the money raised recently (annually) through the Bell Let’s Talk could be set aside to remove the band-aid and get to the root of this problem with our youth.