Tag: children

Five Languages of Love

Five Languages of Love
~ Loreeebee ~ Leave a comment

This is an old post, from 2016, with a few additions. The five languages of love are important tools in successful relationships so this post is worth repeating.

Recently I heard about “the five languages of love” so decided to research the theory.

What are the Languages of Love?

The thought process in the languages of love theory is that people vary in what they need from their partner to make them happy and content in a relationship. The five options or “languages” are listed as:

  • words of affirmation
  • acts of service
  • receiving gifts
  • quality time
  • physical touch

How to Use the Languages of Love

Simply put, if you want to be in a successful relationship, you have to know what your partner’s love language is and make sure your partner knows what your love language is, especially if they differ.  Since both people in a relationship can come from different upbringings, backgrounds, cultures, etc, their individual love languages will often be different.  Acknowledging that your partner has a different love language than you do appears to be the first step towards a successful relationship.

I would imagine that some people are content with just one language of love while others need more than one.  That’s where it might get tricky as your job in a successful relationship is to provide what your partner needs.   Some people are needier than others and needs do change throughout life. Be aware of changing needs on both sides and be prepared to adjust accordingly.  Frequent re-evaluation is highly recommended.

Do Your Homework

If you are not sure what your language of love is, ask yourself what makes you feel loved. What makes you feel unloved is important too.

Do your homework.  Find out what your partner’s language of love is.  Make sure they know what yours is. Be sure to ask them theirs and tell them yours so there is no room for misunderstanding.  Do not assume you know theirs or they know yours.

My Language of Love

I know my language of love is “acts of service.” I don’t need expensive gifts or fancy words or someone to hold my hand. I do however like to know that when I need support or something (that I cannot do myself) done, I know where to turn. 

“Acts of service” sound very rigid, almost implying contractual services. I’m pretty sure the experts do not mean that instead mean sharing duties or things that need to get done in a household. Things such as:

  • household chores like cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping
  • parenting things (I won’t call them chores) like playing, feeding, bathing, bedtime routines
  • shovelling snow and cleaning off vehicles (although I do love to shovel for exercise in the winter)

I am so impressed with how the younger generation has removed the gender-based roles in relationships. I know, I am dating myself. No longer is it only the mother/woman’s role to cook, clean, look after the kids while the father/man’s role is to go to work outside the home. Part of this evolution came about with the increase in double-income families, but another is acceptance, acknowledgment, respect, and compromise. I am so proud of my two oldest sons who have embraced this evolution, actively and emotionally committing to their roles as daddy and husband/partner.

I broaden the term “service” to include acts of kindness too. Nothing (to me) is more attractive (on anyone) than kindness. Conversely, meanness is very unattractive.

My Parents’ Language of Love

So, how do we develop our own language of love? Do we inherit it from our parents, like we inherit eye colour and other physical characteristics or interests and talents?

I assume my own preference is because my parents (at least in my perception of their relationship) used that method to show they loved each other and our family. We were not ones to express our love verbally, in fact, I don’t remember either of my parents ever saying “I love you” to each other or to us kids. But they both worked outside the home (my mom only after my youngest brother started school) to provide a home, food, and clothing for our family.

Were my parents happy in their relationship? Not always. I do know my father was devastated when my mother passed away, and her last words to me were “look after your father.”

Actions speak louder than words.

Raising our own Children

That language of love witnessed in my childhood (my husband was raised similarly) is most likely why we raised our children with the “acts of service” language. We knew no different. I know my children know we would do anything for them, still, even though they are now self-sufficient. Is that because we told them that fact often? No, but I hope we showed them with our actions.

I admit that I never gave much thought about what they needed or still need to feel loved, just assumed they knew/know.

I probably do not tell them I love them often enough; it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

The Five Languages of Love

Sleep Deprivation, the Consequences

~ Loreeebee ~ 6 Comments

If you google just about any health ailment or nagging symptom, sleep deprivation will be on the list of possible causes. Why is that?  Because people are just too (potentially dangerously so) busy and plugged in to sleep these days. When we do sleep, we don’t sleep well.

From small children to retirement age, our lives are jam-packed with structure and technology, leaving no (or very little) downtime.  If you ask a retiree, they will most likely tell you one of the most enjoyable things about retiring is the ability to nap when you want.

Improve the Quality of Your Sleep to Avoid Sleep Deprivation

What can you do to improve the quantity and quality of your sleep to ward off sleep deprivation? Start by unplugging yourself, literally and figuratively, at least four hours before your bedtime. Instead of focusing on the screens of a television, game console, computer, or cell phone, shut them down. Read a book, cook and savour a nice meal, or go out for a drink or meal with a friend or loved one. Without the phone.

Children Need Quality Sleep Too

This applies to your children too. Remember, you are their most influential teacher. They will pick up your unhealthy habits just as easily as your good ones. They do need routine in their lives but organized structure not so much. Kids also need downtime instead of being shuttled from event to event.

Sleep deprivation shows up in their behaviour and their health.  Research has shown that overly active (organized) kids tend to suffer from anxiety, which in turn leads to poor quality of sleep.  It is very easy to cut back on their organized activities.  Let them play at home with their siblings and parents. Bring back the board games of our youth. Encourage older kids to read books or experiment in the kitchen.  Simply slow down their lives, especially before bedtime.

Downtime is a Healthy Way to Reboot

Think of your brain as a computer that controls your body. Even the best computers need to reboot or update regularly to stay efficient and healthy.

Similarly, every cell in your body, especially those in your brain, needs downtime to repair and recuperate from everything we throw at them. Unfortunately, they can only recuperate or repair when we sleep. When we don’t provide these cells with quality sleep to perform this maintenance on a regular basis, sleep deprivation sets in and cells start to break down, causing all those symptoms you are googling about.

Teach Your Children Well

teach your children well
~ Loreeebee ~ 3 Comments

I heard the song “Teach Your Children Well” by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young for the first time in ages the other day. The lyrics resonated with me as the parent of three now-adult sons, and five grandchildren…

You, who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so, become yourself
Because the past is just a goodbye.

Teach your children well
Their father’s hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick’s the one you’ll know by.

Don’t you ever ask them, “Why?”
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you.

And you of tender years
Can’t know the fears
That your elders grew by
And so, please help
Them with your youth
They seek the truth
Before they can die

The second verse is for the children, to help them better understand the parenting skills (or lack thereof) of the previous generation.

Teach Your Children Well was released way back in 1970, but the words still apply today, at least I think they do. What do you think?

The tune and lyrics are so catchy and relevant to family life that they are currently being used in a commercial for Sobeys grocery stores.