Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones will break your bones,  but names will never hurt you.  That’s what I was always taught as a youngster, but times have changed.  It is now obvious that those names do and have done more damage than we gave them credit for.  It is now referred to as bullying.  Names do hurt, the damage is just buried deep and not as visible.

I don’t think of myself as oversensitive, but I do admit I can remember every mean thing ever said to me.  For example, I remember a boy taunting me at the age of 12 because I was wearing a training bra.  I was an obvious late bloomer and very self-conscious about it. Did the insensitive comment ruin my life?  No, but it did hurt enough for me to remember it 45 years later.  I have never been at the (intentional) receiving end of the proverbial sticks and stones, so cannot compare the two hurts.

Bullying is rampant in today’s society.  Suicide rates are skyrocketing with bullying the leading cause.  With the availability and popularity of so many forms of social media, bullies can strike anywhere, anytime, without ever having to meet their victim in person, face to face.

When social media first came to be my eldest son was ten years old.  That was in 1999, the year AOL, Yahoo, and MSN all released their own messenger services.  All of a sudden it became very easy to (bully) say hurtful things to classmates, (former) friends, acquaintances, even strangers.  His teacher was so concerned about the hurtful comments that were going around she organized a parent meeting to warn parents and curb the bullying behaviour.   I remember telling my son then “you should never message someone things that you do not have the nerve to say to their face”

That was before every child over the age of six had their own cell phone, in fact, many parents did not yet have one.  Most of the messages sent, both good and bad, were done on a home computer.  Parents had some control over what and when their children were communicating and who they were communicating with.

Today our teens and preteens (and many adults) are glued to their cell phones, with access to everyone and everything, anywhere.  The advances in technology make it easier to do just about anything on a cell phone.

Everything except communicate face to face.

The Right Thing to Do

the right thing to do

Recently my 15-year-old son and I encountered a young couple on a street corner that appeared to be out for an early evening (still daylight) run.   She was sitting awkwardly on the sidewalk holding her ankle/lower leg, obviously in pain.  He was standing over her trying to help.  As we approached the couple, I rolled down my window to ask if they needed help in the form of a cell phone or ride etc.   That was the right thing to do.

At the same time, before the young man could respond, my son started yelling at me:  “What are you doing?  Why should we stop?  You’re so weird, talking to complete strangers!” I am embarrassed to say my son’s outburst provoked an angry, hurt, and disappointed reaction in me.  Instead of stopping to see if we could help the couple, we drove off towards home.  My apologies, I wish I had stuck to my gut instinct. The right thing to do was obvious to me.

When I had cooled down I told my son that his reaction was not only hurtful and mean to me, but showed a complete lack of compassion towards others.  What if one of his family members or friends was hurt in a public setting and no one stopped to help? One would hope a bystander knew the right thing to do and offered to help.

This may sound harsh or naive on my part, but I have seen similar behaviour in some of the comments I see coming from him on Facebook and Twitter, even in his regular conversations with friends and family members.  I can’t help but feel his words are a form of bullying, potentially harmful to sensitive teens at the receiving end. I thought we had taught him better than that, was a rude awakening to me.

My son did apologize to me and agreed that stopping to help would have been the “right thing to do.”  He also agreed that he would make an effort to stop the offensive comments on social media.

photo credit: pexels-photo-4246061