Men are from Mars

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is the name of a best selling book authored by John Gray back in 2012. It is a great communication guide for couples, with the focus on understanding how the other thinks and feels. Far from rocket science, but important in the evolution and success of relationships.

I learned long ago, early on in my 37+ year marriage, how to get my husband to do the things I need him to do to keep our household running smoothly. The solution was/is simple. Ask for help and tell your partner how you feel. Communicate what works for you as a couple. And what does not!

Many of us women were raised to believe we have to do everything (household chores) ourselves if we want things done properly. This may have worked early in the last century, but modern women are busier than ever and smarter than that. So are men.

In defence of the men in that generation, they were raised to believe similar rubbish. Chauvinism was rampant. My husband was one of them, so were my three brothers. My mother and mother-in-law were clones of June Cleaver, looking after their children and their homes while their husbands worked outside of the home. Things got more complicated, not to mention stressful, when both mothers went back to work as soon as their youngest child was in school. All of a sudden they each had two full time jobs. My sisters and I were recruited to help out, but the males of the family were exempt.

If I learned nothing else from that experience, it was that I would not accept that archaic mentality in a partner. Making that decision a reality was tricky, but we managed to figure it out. I used to slam cupboard doors and stomp around when I was angry and frustrated with his (perceived) inability to recognize necessary household chores.

I would like to say I straightened him out, but must admit he figured it out faster than I did. He did notice the slamming doors and stomping feet after all, so made the first step by admitting his need for me to communicate (verbally) exactly what I wanted him to do. This must be why “honey do lists” became so popular. He was quite happy to “help” although learned fast that he was merely pulling his weight rather than helping. This was especially important when our three sons were young and our household was very busy.

Our sons have all grown up and moved out, with two of them proud fathers themselves. That means our family of five has extended to a family of twelve. So when we entertain the gang, I am traditionally the cook and hubby is the cleaner upper before and afterwards. Works for me!

Men have (thankfully) evolved over the years, into caring and nurturing fathers, husbands and partners. And women have evolved by losing the martyr act and encouraging their men in these roles without losing any of their superhero powers.

As the picture above indicates, successful foreplay doesn’t have to come in the form of candy, flowers or sweet nothings whispered in our ears. Unless of course that is what you need; everyone is different. Me, I believe actions speak louder than words and gifts. I feel participating in cooking, kitchen cleanup, bath time and bed time routines is far more effective.

The moral of this story? Men may still be from Mars and women from Venus, but we can successfully co-exist on Earth if we communicate!